threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
