i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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