he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
