So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
