Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
