Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
