I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
