I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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