No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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