there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize
