Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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