Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
God, I missed his penis.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
