You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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