i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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