Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
