I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
