I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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