I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
