At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Why are your pants in the freezer?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
