I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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