it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
