So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
