I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
