My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
