I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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