Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
