So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
