sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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