eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize