need another drink. this is the easiest way
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
