just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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