At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
