There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm both gender and math confused
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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