I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
