my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize