Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
