sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
