I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
