have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
