my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
