I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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