so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
