how hairy? two words: wookie tits
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
