Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
