Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
