I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
