It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
