i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
