Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
