Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
