My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
