so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
