Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
