Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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