And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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