sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
my phone needs a breathalizer
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
