I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
i now understand why vodka
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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