You're so nebulous sometimes
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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