The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
What a dumb baby whore.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
