Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
