What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
