my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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