I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she looked like the before picture.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
