Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
