just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Randomize
