I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
