if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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