Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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