I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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