Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
