I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
