physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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