Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
