people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize