I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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