I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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