there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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