The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
