think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize