it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
